CHANGE YOUR THOUGHTS, CHANGE YOUR WORLD
Warning: Here is me, a private person with a private life- being real, raw and vulnerable; inspired by an old friend who is doing the same…
My journey into wellness began as many journeys begin- with a defining moment in time- for me that defining moment was a crisis in health. It was less than a year after the birth of my second daughter that a light bulb went off and I realized how horrible I felt all day, every day. I didn’t see other moms struggling like I was and I thought to myself, “Oh I’m having a hard time and it’s just because my baby was born prematurely. She’s waking at night and I am not sleeping or waking well-rested. Or maybe these other moms look good and feel good because they have a nanny or family near by to help.” I was full of excuses and lacking self-awareness (because with two little ones, who even has time to think). I lived minute by minute and hour by hour and day by day- not truly enjoying my life or the lives of my children. Though having a new baby is a wonderful time, it was also a dark time for me- filled with hormonal imbalances, unhealthy eating habits, baby weight, and the inability to lose it and other not so pretty and happy things.
It never really occurred to me that something could possibly be wrong- that these postnatal feelings, this body, and broken spirit could be anything but my new normal. Eventually, I could trace a line from my poor health back through time to nutrient depletion, autoimmunity, and prenatal complications. Struggling each day with fatigue, extreme fatigue- the I cannot stay awake and parent until your dad gets home fatigue- is no joke. The stress of a recent move, a husband with a demanding job, living in temporary housing, trying to make friends, set up a new life in a new town, and be mommy to a 3 year and 9 month old was enough in itself to deal with- throw in some health problems and you have the perfect storm.
The low point for me was a visit to a local ENT where intra-dermal allergy testing set off a series of anaphylactic reactions that changed my life. The purpose for the tests were to determine why I had unending fatigue, body rashes, swollen nasal passages. But, alas the testing revealed nothing. Actually, it said that I was allergic to everything tested and I had large welted hives up and down my arms to prove it. My body, already in adrenal fatigue and showing signs of great distress, like hair loss, dry, cracking feet and hands, rashes of unknown origin, vertigo, bloating, GI upset was in chaos and treating everything it encountered, food or topically as a pathogen. From here, my body was thrown into a multi phasic, multi-day allergic reaction that no doctor could treat.
Over the next ten days, I had six visits to the local ER, two by ambulance. I had six epinephrine injections, series of inhaled steroids, IV fluids and meds and other take-home prescriptions. The ENT, the Allergist, the PAs, the ER doctors, the RNs, and my primary care doctor all looked at me wondering WHAT was happening- was it something in my new home, or new environment, maybe a new allergen exposure, perhaps something I was eating? The crazy eyes each time I entered the ER, the shame I felt for being the new neighbor with the ambulance sounds and lights, the unanswerable questions from friends and family, the guilt I felt when I couldn’t be a mom to my daughters, the stress I felt causing my husband to miss work at his new job, the whole body agony and fear I felt as another anaphylactic moment set in was devastating. I remember thinking, this is what it must feel like to go crazy.
On day ten, I reached deep down inside and found the strength to say ENOUGH. Here is the climax of my story- the part where I envision myself covered in dirt, sweat, blood and tears, crawling out of a hole, away from the darkness and into the light. Here was the moment I said NO MORE. No more medication, no more living minute by minute, no more darkness. God, take me into your light!
I should also note, during this time, another major moment in my health emerged- my lab work revealed that my thyroid was under active. All this corporal stress, a recent pregnancy and birth, a move, a crisis- triggered my autoimmune gene to turn on and say HEY remember me, I’M BACK. And so my TSH was ALL OVER THE PLACE- commonly referred to as the storm in the endocrine world. One week it was 6. The next it was near optimal at 1. The following month it was at a 2. Here were subtle changes in my TSH making not so subtle changes in my body. The dry skin, hair loss, the emotions, nutrient deficiencies, weird blood labs- that EXTREME fatigue. It all added up.
And so after the light bulb moment, clarity set in and I began to detox. At the time, I didn’t even know I was detoxing- it was a natural process- Why am I taking these steroids and using these topical creams- I am feeling awful when I take them, so I am going to stop. Why am I eating this sugary candy and drinking this aspartame filled carbonated beverage- I am feeling awful, so I am going to stop and so on and so forth…In the first weeks after my ten-day crisis, I cleansed my body by drinking more water than I ever had before and ate more veggies than ever before, and drinking gut healing bone broths- simple foods seemed to be the only safe choice. I was already gluten free from a celiac disease diagnosis in my early twenties (thanks to that autoimmune gene)- so I knew a little about nutrition. Looking back, I knew NOTHING compared to what I know now. By the end of that same month, I had sought the expertise of a naturopathic doctor who doubles as a nutritionist. She was just what my mind, body and soul needed. My first appointment with her was transformative because for the first time in so long, someone listened to me and actually HEARD me. She could see my fear and my stress and my health as a whole. She has been my guide in wellness for nearly two years. Inspired by her and others like her, I embarked on an educational journey to help people make positive lifestyle changes.
Even as I am now- healthy body and happy heart, I continue to make regular visits to my naturopath and other specialists because there is more work to be done to be my best. My story is not over and is ever-evolving… come walk this journey through wellness together with me… let me show you how to find your light!